Nine Blooms

Photo taken by The Raw Photographer during Covid isolation. On his computer in his own home, through my phone in my own home. What sort of sorcery is that!?! Tech right!?

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I’ve just taken 2 weeks off Instagram. Went the whole hog and deactivated the whole damn account (it’s ok though, it’s right there when you want to come back, you just have to log back in!) It sounds so dramatic- DEACTIVATE- but it’s just there in the wings…waiting for you to change your mind back.

Something had occurred 2 weeks ago that made me crawl up in a ball with total embarrassment. I’m not going to go into details, but basically I was distracted…with instagram. Posting on my stories all the shit I was getting up to in the day, and I dropped the ball on an important commitment. This lead to the true realisation that Instagram is ONE BIG DISTRACTION MONSTER FOR ME.Once I deactivated, my brain literally became free..it was lighter, emptier…so my real thoughts about shit could really come through…so I started writing them down in my notes on my phone. It was so liberating.

What I definitely noticed was my incessant need to post about ev. re. thing. 

Stuff arrived in the post, and I went to make a story about it…stopping short because I would remember I didn’t have Insta activated.

I went away with my gal pals for the weekend and my phone was only out for pics and music.

I’ve read more books than ever.

My kids have had my full attention.

I started painting….all the cliche shit, but really the important shit.

Family, creativity and down time (book reading.)

Here are the notes below, they are in no order, I didn’t curate them nicely to make it sound good, I just wrote them out in the order that they came into my head-

Suddenly Instagram became more important than anything else. Before my business, my family and myself.

As Peta Kelly says, it’s an echo chamber. 

For me it felt like a ride I wanted to stop and get off for a little bit.

It was making me dizzy and disoriented.

 Instagram is draining the magic out of my life, in every aspect.

I need a break from other people’s lives.

 Insta is shameful to use.

Hiding, flicking it away when someone comes into the room. I feel yukky and shameful when I’ve scrolled too long.

Making excuses for it when I’m not getting things done.

I’m not using it in a healthy way

 I stopped listening to myself. I have lost my true. I’ve lost my centre. Wanting to regain the balance I have lost.

 Feeling distracted from my friends and family interactions.

Always thinking, ooh this will be a good story to post. Always.

Without being in the moment and enjoying it for what it is. Yes cliche.

 I’ve used Instagram scrolling to hide from asking myself my bigger internal questions.

 Not concentrating on insta means my attention is more focused on my existing clients and my ‘people’.

 Feeling of overload.

 I thought I was finding myself, but I was moving further and further away from my truth with every Refresh.

 The incessant need to refresh my feed. For me, It’s akin to checking the letter box for some new piece of ‘post’ waay too many times a day!  That’s insanity! 

 I’ve let my responsibilities slide. 

 On the other side, I love sharing the process, and I miss it

But until I can share with heartfelt truth and integrity, I will continue to remove myself where needed.

 Asking myself at moments where it’s needed- am I being performative. And am I being congruent with my truth.

 

In order to use Insta in a healthy way- for me- I have unfollowed everyone. Yes, this may look a little pretentious, and when I stumbled across people in the past who were following no one, I would eye roll a little…but this makes sense.

When I want to check in on a friend or a business that I love, I will go when I’m ready to see what they are up to, post a comment, and send a love heart or whatever.

For my mental health, my friends and biz buddies don’t need to be in my face at all times, that doesn’t make any sense to me anymore.

I’m also done with filters. I was filtering my face there for a bit, but it felt weird, cos I don’t normally look like that. So it was messing with my esteem.
I then started filtering my flowers. WTF?! What a slap in the face to Mother Nature!

I’m done with filters- for now. I might change my mind back again, and that’s completely on me. I’m allowed to do that.

I’ve also been reading a bunch Peta Kelly and she’s changing MY WORLD right now. SOOO much appreciation for that beaming light of a human.

My parting comment is this. Allow yourself a break from the socials sometimes. It feels really yummy.

Love you loads. Thanks for being here.

Gab X